


Summertime Sadness

by trashandgay



Series: song fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drarry, I am desperate, M/M, One Shot, Sad, also draco here is french, also i literally have not finished my hw for tomorrow and its 11pm just kill me thanks, based on summertime sadness by lana del rey, but i like the hc that dracos french, but please read it, like it doesnt really make any difference, literally this is shit, ok goodbye enjoy whatever this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 11:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18387143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashandgay/pseuds/trashandgay
Summary: I just wanted you to know that, baby,  you're the best.





	Summertime Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> aaaa this is so bad but i was bored and ignoring my real life problems

_Kiss me hard before you go_

_Summertime sadness_

_I just wanted you to know_

_That, baby, you're the best._

 

"Do you really have to go?" Harry had asked, his hand rested gently on top of Draco's chest. Draco had to leave the next morning, which meant they barely a day before they had to say goodbye. Neither of them were ready for it. 

"I wish I didn't." Draco had come to England to spend the summer. His mother had to travel here for business and, not wanting to be alone with his father for three months, Draco decided to come with her. Best and worst decision he's ever made.

"Before you came," Harry began, nuzzling his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck, "I never really experienced love. Or anything like that. And I just- I really don't want to lose whatever it is we have."

"We won't lose this. It doesn't matter if we're miles apart, I'm never letting you go." Draco brought Harry's hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. "And, who knows, maybe one day when we're older we could actually, you know-"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. I'd like that very much."

"Good. Me too."

Harry propped himself up on his elbows, facing Draco. He felt his breath hitch in his throat and his eyes water. Draco gently caressed his lover's cheeks, leaning up to kiss his soft lips. "Don't cry," Draco whispered, holding back his own tears.

"Don't go."

"I can't. I have to. I'm sorry."

"Why? You could just come live here with us. Your parents suck anyways." Draco couldn't help but smile at that. 

"I appreciate the thought and everything, but I can't just leave like that. No matter how much I hate my parents." He traced Harry's jawline with his thumb. "We will make this work." He tried to kiss Harry's tears away, but with each tear he made disappear, another one fell. And Draco just wanted Harry to stop crying. Draco was trying so hard to keep a straight face, to stay strong for the both of them, but he was failing miserably. Just like he failed everything else in life.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

 _I got my red dress on tonight_  
  
_Dancing in the dark, in the pale moonlight_  
  
_Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style_

_High heels off, I'm feeling alive._

 

Harry had just come home from the airport. He had just said goodbye to - he thinks - the love of his life. And yes, three months is too short to know everything about someone. But to them, those three months felt like three years, And no matter what was going to happen to them after this, Harry was glad he had met Draco.

They sent texts back and forth till it was time for Draco to get on his plane. Harry felt empty, so fucking empty. And it wasn't the same emptiness he felt when his goldfish had died, or when he had to move schools, or when his best friends ditched him on his birthday. No, this felt worse.

Harry was pretty sure he had just let his soulmate go. He was beating himself up for not putting up a harder fight, for not trying enough to make him stay. He felt so stupid. His thoughts were all over the place, and he just needed someone to talk to. He just needed Draco.

"Honey, dinner's ready," his mother said, opening the door halfway and sticking her face through. Harry was shaking, his back turned to her. He knew he had to stop the sobs from coming out, but this was his mother, and he really needed her right now.

"Oh, dear," she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "What is it?"

"I miss him, mum. I miss him so much already." He tugged on her sleeves as if his life depended on it. He felt so weak and vulnerable. So fragile.

His mother knelt down next to him, and cradled his face in her hands. "I know. It must be hard."

"Mum. Mum, I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Mum, I don't wanna live without him."

"You will see him again. I'll make sure of it. I'll even fly you to France if I have to. It's going to be okay. You'll be okay."

"But you don't know that! You don't know if- if what you're saying is true. What if the plane crashes? What if he gets hit by a car while crossing the street? What if his parents never let him come near me again? What if he dies and I'm not there to say goodbye?" His sobs came out muffled, his voice weak.

"Honey, why would he die? He's going to be okay. You're both going to be okay." She held him close as he sobbed and cried and shook. This was a type of hurt no mother could fix with a kiss. Teenagers were supposed to be full of hope, yet her son was feeling hopeless. 

 

_Oh, my God, I feel it in the air_

_Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare_

_Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere_

_Nothing scares me anymore._

 

"I miss him so much. When he was here, I had everything to live for. Now that he's gone, everything feels pointless. I was never afraid of death before I met him. I can't die if he's still alive," Harry confessed to his friends, one late night. He felt bad for ranting, but they always came to him when they needed someone to talk to, and now was his turn to cry on their shoulder. 

Everything he said that night was true. Who knew a bit of alcohol and sad songs would get him to open up like never before?

"How long has it been?" One of his friends had asked.

"I don't know. A bit less than a year." He can't remember a time he felt genuine happiness during that year. Sometimes, when he misses him the most, he would close his eyes and try to remember how his arms felt wrapped around his waist. He would try to remember how his hair felt between his fingers. He would even sometimes try to remember how warm Draco's laugh had once been.

"It's been months since we last talked. He promised he would never let me go." Harry felt a tear scroll down his cheeks. He was so angry. He was angry at himself, angry at the universe, angry at his parents. He was angry at Draco. What a prick, leaving him at the mercy of his own thoughts.

Harry swore he'd never think of him again. What a wasteful promise.

 _I'm feeling electric tonight  
_  
_Cruising down the coast, going about 99  
_  
_Got my bad baby by my heavenly side_  
  
_I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight_

A year and a half after their goodbye, Harry could only think about Draco.

He was drunk off his ass, his hands shook as he sent Draco a small, very simple text. A small, simple text that held so much meaning and so much heartbreak.

_'You promised you'd never let me go.'_

And, dammit, fuck Draco and fuck his promises. He thought they were forever. 

 _"I know. I'm sorry,"_   had Draco replied. He threw his phone across the room and curled himself up, letting his screams out. He heard his phone ring a few seconds later, so he reluctantly got up from the floor to fetch it and flip off whoever was calling him.

He stared at his phone for what seemed like two years, before picking up.

"Draco?"

"It's me."

Harry broke down sobbing again. It was fucking pathetic. But it's been over a year since he last heard his voice. It was still so warm and so safe. "Why did you call me?"

Pause. "Well, why did you text me?"

Sobbing. "Cause- cause I miss you."

"I'm sorry I let you go."

"You suck. I hate you. I hate you so much," Harry let out, a hand over his mouth.

"I know. I don't blame you."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you come back?"

"I.. I don't know."

"You could've at least returned my texts."

"I'm sorry. I thought that maybe- maybe you would forget about me. I never forgot about you. I miss you everyday."

"Why didn't you call me, then?! What is it that kept you from texting me?"

"N-nothing. I chose to-"

"You chose to? You fucking chose to? You chose to abandon me like this? You made me hate myself and hate you? I always knew I could never see again, but I always hoped deep down that you would come back for me. I still do."

"And I wanted to. Really, I did. I miss you all the time. I miss you like crazy. I still have all our photos and I look at them all the fucking time. But this was easier."

"Easier? You tell me it was easy for you to just get on with your life, completely forgetting about me?"

"I did go on with my life, but I swear not a second passed where I didn't think of you."

"So what? Next thing you'll be getting a boyfriend."

Silence.

"Wait- You- You have a boyfriend?" Harry cried out, his mind spinning. His heart shattered in his chest, his thoughts were running miles.

"Harry-"

"No. It's fine. Are you happy with him?"

"Yes. I am. And I'd appreciate it if you'd be happy for me."

"I am. I am happy for you. Congratulations." He hung up the phone so fast he felt it slipping from his hands.

"A boyfriend. A boyfriend. Boyfriend," he kept whispering to himself.

He cried and kicked and screamed and cried until his mum was kneeling down next to him, the same way she did when Draco first went away. But this time, she didn't tell him it would be okay. It wouldn't. They both knew it.

 _Think I'll miss you forever_  
  
_Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky_  
  
_Later's better than never_  
  
_Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive._

It's been almost four years. Harry now has a boyfriend. And a job. And his friends are still by his side. He should be happy. He should feel grateful. Yet, a small part of him wishes he was still sixteen. He wishes it was still Draco's lips that would caress his  own. He wishes it was still Draco he would go to sleep with.

They haven't spoken since their phone encounter, almost two years ago. Yet, Harry can't stop thinking about him. Of course, nobody knows that. Everyone thinks he's happy, but that's because he is. Except when he's all alone and it's midnight and he's staring at their pictures together.

He doesn't cry when he thinks about him anymore. He just feels numb. 

And when he watches years-old videos of them on the beach, his heart just clenches. And he feels empty. He doesn't cry, though. He smiles, and laughs, and dies a little bit inside. But just because he can't forget Draco, it doesn't mean that his whole existence has to be defined by him.

He hesitated before dialing Draco's number one last time. It went straight to voicemail, which he was kinda hoping for.

"Draco. Uh, hey. I'm not sure if you remember me. I'm Harry. Um. I thought- I don't know. I'm a mess. Sorry. I don't know if this is a good idea. But my boyfriend just left to pick his sister up from the airport, and I'm home alone. Yes, as you can see, I have also got a boyfriend. Anyways, I wanted to apologize. Last time we talked, I went crazy when you told me you were dating someone," Harry chuckled. He so desperately wanted to go back in time.

"So. I hope you're happy with him. Or, if you guys broke up, I hope you'll find happiness soon. I've found mine. Not the one I was looking for, or the one I wanted - but it's still happiness. If, four years ago, you would've asked me what happiness felt like, my answer would've been you. My answer still hasn't changed. It's still you. Accompanied by a few other names, too, though. I've made progress. I'm growing. I met a lot of people. I had sex. I still miss you. Maybe not like before, but I miss you. I always thought you were my happy ending. Maybe I don't get a happy ending. I hope you get one. You deserve it." He withdrew a breath. He was holding back tears.

"You know," he let out some air. "I haven't cried about you for years. This is the first time. And," he tried wiping his tears away, "I just. I just wanted to hear your voice. Maybe get some closure. I don't know if you changed your phone number, but I never did. Just in case you decided to call me. Man. This was a stupid idea. I should just stop talking. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

He hesitated, then added, "I love you."

And Harry never knew if this message got to Draco, or if he responded to it, or if he even listened to it. After hanging up, he quickly blocked and deleted Draco's number. This was his second chance at life. And he was gonna make the most of it. Even if his heart still belonged to a certain sixteen year-old boy with a beautiful laugh who lived miles away.

He was right when, four years ago, he had said that Draco was his soulmate. He was also right when he said he would never see him again.


End file.
